Faith, Trust & Pixie Dust
“You know that place between sleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.”
— Tinker Bell
With our sights set on funding our next films, developing a series for television, publishing a children’s book, and distributing our first two films, I have discovered a few things about the realities of being a dreamer with an independent spirit.
The biggest revelation is that no one in this industry is actually independent. Especially for artists, there is an ironic dependence on people who believe in the value of their art and who are further willing to invest it. The business of creativity relies on the relationship between dreamers and those willing to bet real money on magical probabilities for success.
Realizing this, part of my mission has become proving that magic is reliable. I have always known this and lived by this, but I have kept my faith close to my chest for fear of being thought crazy.
The most influential people in the entertainment industry are magical, and they are actively and singularly seeking connection with whoever and whatever is seemingly impossible. Top artists and executives alike are moved almost exclusively by originality and surround themselves with proven expanders of reality.
I have worked with exceptionally powerful people throughout my career and one thing they all have in common is an infectious capacity to invite what lives in the imagination out into the real world. Even if only in conversation, the great ones all have a knack for recognizing others who have “it”.
Everyone is full of magic, but to have “it” means to own “it”. Most of us have buried “it” in self-doubt. All it takes is a little pixie dust to be reminded. That pixie dust is encouragement to trust yourself. Our natural genius is precisely what the world needs from us. Magic is what sells. Look at Rick Rubin.
“It’s not always easy to follow the subtle energetic information the universe broadcasts, especially when your friends, family, coworkers, or those with a business interest in your creativity are offering seemingly rational advice that challenges your intuitive knowing. To the best of my ability, I’ve followed my intuition to make career turns, and been recommended against doing so every time. It helps to realize that it’s better to follow the universe than those around you. Interference may also come from the voices within. The ones in your head that murmur you’re not talented enough, your idea isn’t good enough, art isn’t a worthwhile investment of your time, the result won’t be well-received, you’re a failure if the creation isn’t successful. It’s helpful to turn those voices down so you can hear the chimes of the cosmic clock ring, reminding you it’s time. Your time to participate.” ― Rick Rubin, The Creative Act: A Way of Being
While bringing our films to audiences around the world, I’ve noticed how important the role of the spectator is to understanding the value of the art (but not in the way you might think). Every time we screen, I have a different experience of our films. I have learned to stop qualifying my experience as good or bad, and have adopted the philosophy that the film has a destiny of its own that resonates intrinsic value. In their own perfect time our films have had a powerful impact on both the audiences and the lives of the artists involved. The more the films are seen the greater my understanding of their worth becomes.
“All in all, the creative act is not performed by the artist alone; the spectator brings the work in contact with the external world by deciphering and interpreting its inner qualifications and thus adds its contributions to the creative act.” ― Marcel Duchamp
After screenings we have been approached by emotional strangers thanking us for creating such a beautiful story, we have played in standing-room-only packed theaters and engaged in Q&As that go on and on until force quit. I’ve also seen people walk out of our films, and played to empty theaters. We’ve won festivals and been rejected by festivals, but their intrinsic value becomes ever more consistent as our journey evolves.
Beverly Hills Film Festival
After 5 years of development, crowdfunding, production, post-production, festival submissions of various edits, and playing at smaller festivals…
…CONGRATULATIONS A Pity fam! The moment has finally arrived to celebrate our film together!
We have been officially selected by the Beverly Hills Film Festival to screen in the iconic TCL Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard. A dream come true…
A Pity is CMP’s first major production, co-written and co-directed by brothers Kevin and Alec Barth. It was shot in Arkansas at a monastery their family grew up visiting. Every person in the family played their part in the production process, and as a result a greater vision for Kevin and I as co-creative partners and parents. Since pulling the trigger on this project both our daughter Alice and our artistic visions have become central to our lives.
If not family before, every hand and heart that touched this film is like blood. We are so proud of how the story has developed from a short film to a stunningly beautiful, slow moving, full-length feature. It has been a family affair from conception to completion.
Thank you Chayse Irvin, Alex McCarthy, Kenji C. Green, David Agronov, George Mullinix, James C. Burns, Carlson Young, and Joely Fisher.
Beverly Hills Film Festival
Established in 2001 in the backyard of the entertainment capital of the world, the Beverly Hills Film Festival is considered among the most exclusive and influential film festivals globally. Through linking the groundbreaking talent of emerging filmmakers and exposing the community to the latest innovations in the cinema field, the Beverly Hills Film Festival (BHFF) exists as a cinematic and cultural patron. The Beverly Hills Film Festival’s objective is to merge today’s filmmaking pioneers with the wealth of cinematic heritage of Beverly Hills by edifying and developing the cinematic community and enhancing the impact of the arts.
Montreal Independent Film Festival
Montreal Independent Film Festival has turned into one of the most popular international festivals. Cannes award winners, Oscar nominees, and emerging independent film projects have competed in the festival with indie artists and projects of all genres in various sections of the competition. The festival promotes and screens about three hundred shorts and features of all genres every year through the MIFF magazine channel and live screenings of the annual festival in cinema every spring.
CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYONE INVOLVED - “IN HER NAME” WINS AGAIN!!!
When the vision is clear, the money appears
I shouldn’t be surprised anymore when necessary funds come through without fail, but I am still shocked by life’s tricky ways of both testing me and taking care of me. Throughout my life, I have trusted that when the vision is clear the money appears. Conversely, if the vision is not clear, the money disappears. As a producer, I feel a sense of urgency to do my part to convince everyone I possibly can to live by this philosophy. Connecting the dots of my own history, the greater design is undeniable. For better or worse, I am unquestionably living my dream, and by the way, I believe you are you, too. After a string of inexplicable life choices, I’m convinced by the power of our instincts in creative pursuit. To join us on this journey, check out our company services here.
At 20 years old, with nothing but an invitation and a promise from someone who believed in me, I packed my bags and moved from Canada to California where I sensed I would spend the rest of my adult life.
Three months after taking the leap, I was on a Hollywood film set with a “gifted persons” work visa, co-writing my character arc with Judd Apatow, Seth Rogan, Charlie Hunnam and Martin Starr.
From there, my adventure lead me straight to the heat of fame, starring in a film with Paris Hilton in South Beach Miami and club-hopping across the country in private jets.
My acting career allowed me to travel to foreign countries for months at a time, bond with people beyond language barriers, and work with some of my heroes.
By 25 years old I bought my first home in Laurel Canyon. Without plan, six of my closest friends from high school landed in Los Angeles with me along with five friends from college. 15 years later, my daughter is surrounded by their kids as well as extended family all with their roots here in Los Angeles. It’s hard not to be convinced of a greater design given that from a young age I longed for family and community despite feeling like I had to sacrifice it for my career.
I always knew I belonged in the circus with other wanderers and creatives, but throughout my acting career I would keep my true colors dim enough to not interfere with whoever I thought I needed to be. Eventually, I noticed I had also taken on Tinkerbell’s reliance on applause and other people’s belief in my light to survive.
Being an actor is perfect for me in a lot of ways, but it’s also, well, acting. Similar to Tink, I carried a sadness and a desperation to be seen and included. My value was extremely dependent on how much I was being paid and how well I could perform.
Behind the scenes I was always seeking, writing, performing my own music, jamming, dancing, and creating opportunities for friends and fellow artists to share personal truths and self-explore safely. Strangely, it always felt dangerous to be public about that side of myself. As a musician, I took on the surname ‘Sanguin’ so that I could play in dive bars and pursue my experimental music career in peace.
I taught boys at Camp Kilpatrick, a program for juvenile delinquents, to write and share their stories. That lead to me studying to become a core energetics therapist with a passion for reconnecting traumatized people to their life force.
The moment before I finished that program to become a therapist, I got an offer to be on Steven Spielberg’s first television show, Falling Skies. For the next five years I found myself back on set playing another character and leaving the life I had freshly gained so much hope and respect for.
However, that moment marked a new beginning for me. I was committed to bringing more of myself to my character and to my relationships off camera. “Maggie” became a fan favorite and brought me into alignment with the power to heal through story. Naturally, I began to consider the director’s chair.
Greg Beeman, the showrunner, became a close friend and demystified the possibility of developing a TV show. Connor Jessup was my love interest on that show and a brilliant young filmmaker with no qualms about having it all. When our lead, Noah Wyle, was finally given an episode to direct and did a brilliant job, it affirmed that my skills as an actor could lead the way to becoming a director. I began to take my dreams of becoming a filmmaker seriously, shadowed directors I was working with, and co-wrote my first original screenplay, Girl Who Needed a Ride, which, after 10 years, I’m finally beginning to produce.
Like all of us, the pandemic significantly changed my relationship to my career, my family, my friendships, and my community. I have cultivated inner strength, stability in my family, and I have put Cheshire Moon Productions on the map.
Faith
The first line of the CMP mission statement is: “Our stories are written in the stars.”
The only way anyone is ever going to invest in the unknown is if they feel personally called. We are only moved by heart strings connected to our own destiny. Once we align with our own path and become conscious of the ways in which we rely on our connections with each other, we see our reflection in all life and we are able to genuinely touch hearts in a wider audience.
No matter what, as creatives we have to develop faith in our current circumstances, and open ourselves to resources we might be unconsciously closed off to.
While developing In Her Name, and while in production, I would have everyone connect to themselves, each other, and their personal reason for being a part of the project before beginning work. I would acknowledge the mystery of the creative process and humbly open myself to higher guidance. There couldn’t have been more working against us, and yet, with only $75k in the bank to green light the film, a pandemic shutting down production only 9 days in, and a massive political divide reflected amongst our cast and crew, the vision remained clear and the resources continued to appear. The film found its way to a world premiere at Tribeca, and won an audience award.
“Every time someone says ‘I do not believe in fairies’, somewhere there’s a fairy that falls down dead.” — Tinker Bell
Limitless possibility is a core value and something I am passionate to impart. For as long as I can remember it’s been part of my identity to trust in my magic and our ability to metaphorically fly. Fittingly, my family gave me the nickname ‘Tink’, which resonated from an early age. I had an imaginary world I preferred to the real one, and in spite of living through my fair share of darkness, I naturally took refuge in knowing there is really no need to be afraid. Maybe because I was witness to a lot of pain and confusion around God, I decided early on that the people around me had it all wrong and that I would crack the code to the mystery of life myself.
I recognized beauty, kindness, and fun in almost everyone and could always find the crowd game to rock & roll. When up against closed doors I would throw the party I couldn’t find myself, one that included everyone.
Having an open heart to all of humanity is something I wish for everyone. It’s true that we are only as strong as our weakest link.
Lift as you climb
After business courses, a complete career overhaul, and with my biggest dreams yet to be born, I need you to know that it’s been largely thanks to you I’ve kept going. I see your dreams sparkling behind your eyes and it gives me life to reflect your brilliance. When I feel seen and celebrated it’s like rocket fuel, and I always strive to pay that blessing forward. I love nothing more than to invest in people I believe in, especially when they are relatively unknown. I have received tremendous support along my path thus far, so as the company and team expands, my greatest wish is that we all take our lives to the next level together.
Special thanks to Matt Maddox for jumping in with CMP creatively the past few months. He was introduced by a dear friend as a young filmmaker to watch out for. We began following each other on social media. He became one of my greatest champions and, of course, I’m a huge fan of his artistry and spirt. He is completely self-taught and if you follow him on Instagram I’m sure you’ll agree, his work is riveting.
Matt Maddox is a writer and director from Memphis, TN, who picked up a camera out of the desire to learn more about the world around him. His filmmaking career first began in front of the camera. As an actor he embraced empathetic storytelling, becoming obsessed with the inner workings of the human condition. This curiosity eventually led him to a life behind the lens, where he hopes his own stories will help give solace to someone who may feel misunderstood in the world we live in.
His films often explore those who live on the fringes of society, interpersonal and philosophical relationships, the subconscious, and the struggles of the human soul and psyche.
Through his work, Matt hopes to provide unique narratives that challenge our perspective on how we may view the world and those around us.
What has always mattered to me was that people feel loved. Loved by me, but also by life itself. I chase feeling alive, witnessing aliveness, sharing in aliveness, discovering life and inspiring life.
I was that 6-year-old who rolled down every hill and strung together as many cartwheels as I could. Then, I was that 30-year-old who drove to the beach with my dog at night, parked my convertible illegally and ran as fast as I could into the ocean and back to the car dripping wet and howling.
Book Club
While grieving it was hard to adjust to the way people treated me. There was no hiding. Reading helped me a ton.
“People who have recently lost someone have a certain look, recognizable maybe only to those who have seen that look on their own faces. I have noticed it on my face and I notice it now on others. The look is one of extreme vulnerability, nakedness, openness. It is the look of someone who walks from the ophthalmologist's office into the bright daylight with dilated eyes, or of someone who wears glasses and is suddenly made to take them off. These people who have lost someone look naked because they think themselves invisible. I myself felt invisible for a period of time, incorporeal. I seemed to have crossed one of those legendary rivers that divide the living from the dead, entered a place in which I could be seen only by those who were themselves recently bereaved. I understood for the first time the power in the image of the rivers, the Styx, the Lethe, the cloaked ferryman with his pole. I understood for the first time the meaning in the practice of suttee. Widows did not throw themselves on the burning raft out of grief. The burning raft was instead an accurate representation of the place to which their grief (not their families, not the community, not custom, their grief) had taken them.”
― Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking
I had lost an innocence I was able to take for granted. My sense of adventure and my identity around fame and flirtation had faded away. I had no choice but to look inside for my own magic because the outside world was giving me a dramatically different experience from the glossy one I had grown accustom to.
I started to notice how disappointed I was in the world around me and in humanity. I couldn’t help feeling defeated by my perception that most people had lost touch with themselves and with the nature of life itself. That’s when I knew I had work to do.
So I reached for my bible, Women Who Run With the Wolves, and did what I do best - I created a community to reconnect with the spirit I had lost touch with.
I am eternally grateful to the circles of wild women who continue to gather and hold space for one another to relax into their emotions and celebrate the sacred beauty of all life, which includes death.
I believe that with a supportive community we can reach our personal goals with integrity and joy. We deserve to have it all and share everything we’ve got to give.
I have developed a teachable, repeatable formula to guarantee a reconnection to innocence, play, creative genius, and faith in the magic of life that will naturally bring us into alignment with our unique genius, calling, creative potential, and the people we are meant to share the journey with.
For those interested in nurturing a connection to their own magic and joining our next book club, check out our events here.
Movies of the Month
First time filmmaker Charlotte Wells pushed the envelope in terms of cinematic storytelling with Aftersun. The success of this film raises the bar for independent filmmaking and gave me hope for what audiences are moved by. Of course curious how a film like this comes to be, I was lucky enough to sit with one of the producers on their team at PASTEL. Kiva Reardon was a top programmer at TIFF for years, a journalist for Cleo Mag, and a fellow Canadian who had seen In Her Name and asked to meet. I learned that the company had had their eye on Charlotte Wells since her first short film, Tuesday, and ushered Aftersun from conception all the way to the top for under $3m. I came away from that meeting realizing you really do need that kind of support.
Aftersun, on the surface at least, follows a thirty-ish father and his 11-year-old daughter on a humdrum package holiday to Turkey. Calum (Paul Mescal) and Sophie (Frankie Corio) spend their days sunbathing and swimming, eating and drinking, little more. Yet surface is the least interesting thing about the film. What fascinates is how Wells frames the everyday to reveal a subtext of which Sophie herself is only dimly aware. In its own quiet way, it is audacious.
“I used the phrase ‘emotionally autobiographical’ early on and it’s haunted me ever since,” Wells says. “There’s no question that my relationship with my dad was the starting point, wanting to capture the warmth and love of that within the context of the grief that I experienced and maybe hadn’t fully dealt with when I was a teenager… The film came from a place of trying to understand something myself and articulate a feeling.”
I always look for the story behind films that move me. This interview with Michael Morris on the making of To Leslie reflects everything CMP stands for when it comes to investing in the unknown.
When asked what he would say to aspiring filmmakers he says, “The main advice, especially now, is just do it. If you want to start, start. As a writer and as a filmmaker, don’t try to make it perfect. Don’t be your worst critic. Get it out of your head first and onto the paper, and once it’s on the paper, then you get to be a critic.”
“I started making To Leslie with an idea that if we spend time with a human being who has made mistakes, and we invest in that person, then we will start to feel for that person, love that person, and even root for them despite their behaviors sometimes. I hope this movie allows us to increase our amount of empathy in the world,” he elaborated.
“I think it’s absolutely a golden age for artists in any kind of film medium whether it’s television or film. There are multiple platforms available to us as filmmakers, so in a sense, it has created an incredible moment where everybody is able to express themselves and tell stories in any way they want. That will make a new generation of filmmakers and will actually advance the art in ways that we’ve never thought of…”
“The only downside is that it’s the Wild West, it’s unorganized and it’s very hard to find something these days. I am hoping that word of mouth isn’t just limited to the biggest movies. So many great movies come out every year to live alongside the biggest ones. I hope people start talking about all of them,” he added.
“I don’t think success has anything to do with finances, success has to do with being creatively fulfilled without having to give up the things that are most important in our lives.”
You can read more here.
Montreal Independent Film Festival Interview
“The artist and healer in me perpetually seeks freedom, beauty, truth, and radical acceptance of the nature of things. The culture of movie-making lends itself well to my spirit. The pursuit of sharing and manifesting a unified vision transcends systems that divide us.
Any universal language, art forms included, fascinate me as a filmmaker. I think it’s editor Walter Murch who describes cinema as the language of dreams. I like to dive deep into Jungian dream analysis, archetypes, and the power of fairytale symbology to permeate the poetic layer of our everyday lives. Cinema invites audiences to escape their aloneness, and shift their perspective of their realities. It really does change lives. I think we all have films that mark pivotal moments in our lives. One of mine was watching Charlie Kaufman’s Synecdoche, New York by myself on Christmas Eve back when it first came out in 2008. The theater had opened its doors to the public, which attracted primarily unhoused people. That movie watching experience made me appreciate the power of cinema in a way I had never known…”
Read the rest of Sarah’s interview with MIFF here: